Social Media, Social Comparison, and You.
I spent a year trying to understand social media’s impact on my life and the lives of others, studying the topic and writing a 100-page dissertation – which has gone on to be the most accessed dissertation in a national research database from 2020 to 2024 across all subjects.
What did these views from around the world signal to me? We are all using social media for hours each day, we are all impacted by its images and algorithms, but we are not talking about what’s happening nearly enough – and people are hungry for real information and a better way to engage.
In short, I found that my suspicion was right: I’m not the only one feeling insecure on social media. I’d like to share what I found during my year long study.
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Social media has had a tremendous impact on our culture and the world-at-large. Social media platforms have revolutionized the ways in which people communicate and socialize, and it is important to better understand the ways in which this virtual social phenomenon is having an impact on how we think and feel about others and ourselves. It is likely not a surprise that it leaves most of us feeling like we wish we went on more vacations, had more friends, a better relationship, and bigger lips (thanks a lot, filters).
Life is never going to be perfect, I am never going to be perfect, and neither are you. Sorry, tough love. Yet social media says otherwise.
While scrolling through Instagram, we are likely to see only highly groomed, curated, and filtered pictures strategically posted. Let’s face it, I am not posting when I’ve just had a good cry. Social media can be used to actively enhance one’s social environment through presenting their “idealized self” through an online avatar.
We’ve always cared how people perceive us. But, on social media, we have more control over our narrative than ever before. We curate what we want others to see. We get to tell our “story.” We get to adult play, self-express, share personalized images, and communicate interesting content.
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Here are three things I was interested in learning more about during my study:
Self-Advertisement
I asked research participants to describe how they used social media. Like most of us, they described ways in which they self-consciously “market” themselves, in other words, promote and advertise themselves in order to present themselves as socially desirable. Pretty sweet that I can pretend to be an insta-model for a few seconds with the swipe of a filter. But what does this do to our sense of self? Our mental health? A sense of reality?
Participation in Media Illusion
The creation and maintenance of an online identity was experienced as an ongoing pressure that exacerbates negative feelings (e.g., anxiety, fear, stress). It is not simply that users of social media sites may experience a pressure to maintain and manage their online social selves, they may come to feel that their experiences become real only in the context of such presentation and recognition by others. In engaging in online self-promotion, participants described ways in which they respond to their own profiles, and those of others as objects that can be manipulated, transformed, and “played” with in order to generate a particular desired response from viewers.
Now, the perfect vacation, outfit, and body is not only on a billboard or in the commercial on TV, but it is displayed across users’ news feeds. Let’s also add another layer. It is not just celebrities, it is our peers who are posting these upgraded images. I was curious how such personally created media content is interpreted and might potentially affect a user’s sense of self.
Social Comparison
According to social comparison theory, a core component of how we develop our sense of self and self-identity involves comparing ourselves to others. If you didn’t know, now you know. Before the advent of social media, this form of comparison occurred with those of closest proximity, such as immediate family, neighbors, and friends. The phenomenon of social media has drastically enlarged that pool for social comparison. Before we were comparing ourselves to the three people who hit the standard of “beauty” in high school. Now, we get to compare ourselves to the thousand+ “perfect” people online. Not only that, but altered, enhanced, perfectly lit, versions of those people. Take a deep breath. We will get through this together.
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So, what did I find?
Across interviews, respondents acknowledged the false and illusory nature of social media images. They described social media profiles as “misrepresentative” and recognized the difference between the virtual and the real.
“When I look at other Instagram photos... most of these people look so perfect. And they pose over and over again. When their bodies in real life are not flawless... but they got the right light and right movement and yet they make it look like a candid. They took 20 photos prior.”
“I know my friend is not always on vacation, but those are the only images I see.”
The most important finding was that despite such awareness, participants still reported comparing themselves to these images, even though they were consciously aware that the images were not accurate representations of reality.
Let me repeat that, even though we KNOW these images are not the whole story of a person, we still unconsciously believe them to be true (unconscious beliefs are what drives most of our thoughts and behaviors). I believe this is due to the nature of media platforms. There are so many images that we mindlessly scroll at such a rapid pace. We are not taking the time to sit with each image and process what we are actually viewing; snippets, clips, highlights of someone’s life. As a result, participants identified negative self-judgement, feelings of envy, sadness, and fears of being left out, which are emotions that can potentially adversely influence self-esteem.
Every time we log onto social media, we are engaging in a comparative process that is most likely leaving most of us feeling less-than, anxious, and depressed. Heavy, I know. Yet we still do it. Hey, I know all of this, and I still do it! Quite often actually. I am not here to demonize social media. It has added some significant social expansion and value. I think everyone should be allowed to show themselves to the world the way they want; but I think alongside that can be realistic conversations so that we are reminded social media is both a combination of a highlight reel and physical curation, especially since it is so easy to compare ourselves to one another. Both these things can exist.
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So now we know all of this, what do we do?
Well, we get mindful, we get curious, and we get real. Unfiltered real.
In graduate school, I boldly and ignorantly declared to my well-respected pediatric neuropsychology supervisor that my children will never have a phone or social media account. I’m very dramatic. She stated, “Well then your kids will be the kids who are left out.” I get it, we have to adapt. But adaptation can take a positive form if we bring awareness in. Adaptation is about evolving to fit a new environment, so that you can thrive within it.
Will I still use filters? Yes. I love to get dressed up and wear lots…lots of makeup. Trust me when I say I am not promoting we don’t enhance our goods, but we need to be informed.
We have to start consciously acknowledging that this is not our full reality or anybody else’s. Remember, the damaging stuff happens when you unconsciously scroll. So get conscious!
I view social media differently now. I know how to view images in a healthy way. Always? Of course not. But on days when I catch myself believing what I see as fact, I have tools to help me disconnect from disreality and reconnect with myself. As a therapist, I actively work to share these tools with clients and friends.
Here are some healthier ways to engage with social media.
Limit your screen time- Obvious, but incredibly helpful if you actually stick to it and really implement offline time in your daily life. Make a schedule.
Online mindfulness- To be fully present to the content you are viewing and observing the negative thoughts that might slip into the unconscious and cause emotional damage.
Affirmations for scrolling- “I understand this is not an accurate representation of reality and will not compare myself to another. I am valuable, important, and worthy.” Period.
Self-awareness and reflection- Pay attention to how you are feeling while scrolling and when logging off. If you begin to notice that it is increasing limiting beliefs about yourself, self-criticism, anxiety, depression, FOMO, then that is an indication that your screen time is not serving you. Take a break, re-evaluate how you are engaging in social media. Talk to a therapist, journal, do something that is going to add value to your life, not take away.
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Social media interactions can shape understanding and experience of the world. Therefore, media literacy is important to help users consume media in a healthy manner, such as differentiating between entertainment and reality.
We are not just our social media accounts, and neither is anyone else. But hey let’s get real, social media is a huge part of (most) our lives – and it’s here to stay. So, how are we not talking about it more? Let’s get mindful. Let’s get curious. Let’s get real.
If this article resonates with you, feel free to share it with your friends – or reach out to learn more about my findings. As you begin to think about your daily scroll differently, make an effort to talk to your friends, parents, neighbor, therapist, pet, plants, whoever is willing to listen. Just talk about it. Once you start, you too will wonder why it took us so long to start this conversation.
Michelle
